My Anxiety...To me there is "safe" anxiety and anxiety I don't understand.I've always been told that I have a great sense of awareness and self awareness.... Which is quite honestly a nuisance most times. I become so confident in my ability to judge myself, judge my symptoms, react appropriately etc...that when something comes along that I wasn't expecting, something I'm not used to...I can't think properly, It becomes impossible to distract myself. My entire list of carefully planned rituals becomes useless. Years I spent building working towards creating coping mechanisms that weren't self harming.....pointless.I don't even know which disorder is causing this feeling, it's hard to tell...and that probably scares me more than anything. It's much too ironic that an illness that demands me to take control of everything is the one that takes that control away from me in the first place. I'm not living for myself...it drains me.